I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
