what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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