So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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