is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
