I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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