If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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