yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
