I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
