Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
