if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Watching her eat just hurts me
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
