Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Randomize
