I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
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