Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
