if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
