She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
