I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
