last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
