SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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