the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Send help, water and tortillas.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
