Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
