My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
