Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
