The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
