I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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