I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well you can't waste a boner
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
