Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize