A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
