One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
