Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
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