I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize