i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
