I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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