Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
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