Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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