Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
