quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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