i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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