How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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