Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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