where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
