She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
