I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
