i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
