i was born a porn star she said
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
you inspire me to be a worse person
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
