Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
