Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
