i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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