can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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