After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
