Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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