I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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