I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
