time to smoke my breakfast
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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