So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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