So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
