First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
