Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize