My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
