The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I am naked and annoyed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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