nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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