Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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