I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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