If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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