Where did you get a picture of my penis
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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