today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
