Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
