I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
