there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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