I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
