fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
