So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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