i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
