i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
