dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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