I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
So. Much. Porn.
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